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If you see Jack at the airport, ignore him! Personally I don't see why everyone is so worried about hijacking these days. Osama Bin Laden screwed that up for everyone in the terrorist business. It's rather ironic, actually. The cowardly cruds who hijacked those planes on September 11th weren't out to change our way of life, the way we do business, or anything else for that matter. Like most dangerously psychotic retrograde morons, all Binny wanted to "change" were the vital signs of as many innocent victims as possible. There were, however, some, shall we say, "unforeseen" changes that will adversely the entire terrorist community. One of these "changes" that his colleagues probably aren't too enthused about is the effect this is going to have on the sport of hijacking. It used to be that a quick hijacking was good for a few extra bucks, a little instant publicity, or a free ride to Cuba (or whatever the terrorist destination de jour is these days). Forget that! As of September 11, 2001, you'd have to be totally incompetent (if not brain dead) to even consider trying to hijack an airliner. The way things stand now, if your fellow passengers don't reduce your bloody remains to a size that can be conveniently stored in an overhead compartment, the instant you announce your intentions, the U.S. Air Force is going to shoot your nasty butt down five minutes later (if the Navy or Marines don't get there first). Yes, boys and girls, shoot your butt down. You even greet somebody named Jack on the airplane (Hi, Jack!), and you're gonna get a Sidewinder missile up the ole' Wazoo. There's no (expletive deleted) way that "the powers that be" are gonna let the stock market take another hit like it did on September 11th. Forget that tired old hostage routine. The lives of a couple hundred ordinary people won't buy you a shot at any prime commercial real estate. They'd splash a planeload of crippled orphans escorted by nuns before they'd let that happen again. Let's face it, those jet fighters orbiting New York on September 11th follwing the collapse of the World Trade Center were there for one thing and one thing only. They were there to make certain that any further terrorist attempts against centers of commerce were brought down somewhere "safe" - like Brooklyn, the Bronx or Harlem. In other words, you ain't gonna get anywhere near "heaven," suckers, you're going straight to the special Losers Hell reserved to people who fail to keep their promises to Allah. This became quite apparent shortly after the World Trade Center incident when I heard a news report about fighter jets sent to escort an airliner back to the airport after a passenger was caught smoking in the can. Yeah, right. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there was no "escort" to it, they were just there to smoke his can. From now on, once it becomes apparent that an airliner in no longer under the control of the crew, kiss your butt good-bye. So, what's all this mean to the Bin Laden crowd? Well, right off the bat I'd say that the September 11th form of Jihad by hijacking is pretty much a dead issue (no pun intended). I'm no Islamic scholar, but I'm fairly certain that you can't get into heaven if you are pranged to death by angry women with salad forks after the male passengers have broken all your limbs and removed your more disreputable body parts. I mean, it's only fair, isn't it? If this so-called "Jihad" thing is a path to Allah (or whatever), those who fail at it should go straight to hell. It's like those losers on the airliner that went down over Pennsylvania. When the passangers on Flight 93 chose to die fighting, they not only saved countless thousands of lives on the ground, they assured that the cowardly losers who had failed miserably in their "Jihad" would burn in the foulest depths of hell for all eternity. Congratulations, Flight 93, there aren't many who can claim they not only defeated their enemies, but sent'em straight to hell in the bargain. (I just wanted the families of all concerned to know that.) |